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Gem Identification

The refractive index of a gem is a measure of its ability to bend light. This measurement is is critical to gem identification. An instrument called a refractometer can precisely measure refractive index. A gem is placed on the glass of the instrument with a drop of contact liquid and light from a monochromatic yellow light source (not shown) enters the back of the instrument. Some of the light enters the stone and some is reflected off of it. This creates a dark/light boundary. The reflected light is directed onto a scale. The higher the refractive index, the higher up the scale is the dark/light boundary.

In this demonstration a golden tourmaline is used. Tourmaline belongs to a class of crystals that splits a beam of light which then takes two paths through the stone. Each ray has its own refractive index. A polarizing filter fitted over the lens of the instrument can pick out each ray separately when rotated slightly. The low reading of 1.62 and the high reading of 1.64 are clearly seen in the photographs, right ,and conclusively identify the gem as tourmaline. The bottom left photo is the reading from an amethyst, quartz, at the low reading of 1.54 (the high reading is 1.55).

The limiting factor of the instrument is the refractive index of the contact liquid, which has to be higher than that of the gem. Unfortunately the only liquid that won’t poison you or burst into flames has a refractive index of 1.81 and so limits the range of the instrument to that or below. This covers most gems but excludes diamond (2.417), zircon (1.96), and cubic zirconia (2.15-2.20 depending on composition).

Ad Nauseum*

If the flying didn’t didn’t make you sick, the barf bag will. Spirit Airlines has ads on its dishonorable discharge containers. If you want people to remember your product every time they get sick it’ll cost you $30,000 per quarter to put your ad on 150,000 barf bags.

For $60,000 per quarter for 350,000 the wretched retchers can tidy up with your bespoke napkins. Stewardess aprons, cups, boarding passes, and ticket jackets will also tout your product.

But why not go all the way with a flying billboard? Get a plane wrap for $400,000 per quarter for one plane.

People collect barf bags, too. A Dutchman holds the Guinness record with 5468 of them.

And, of course, there are designer barf bags. In 2004 Virgin Atlantic “introduced 20 limited edition sickbags designed by artists from around the globe.” I like this Japanese design.

* This irresistible title was gleefully stolen from the New York Times Magazine May 4, 2014. Runner up was “Queasy Rider” which I saw somewhere on the Internet and which was also stolen, from a 2003 King of the Hill episode.

Big Brother is Tweeting You

The CIA opened a twitter account.

• We can neither confirm nor deny that this is our first tweet..

• No, we don’t know your password, so we can’t send it to you.

• Remember reports of unusual activity in the skies in the ‘50s? That was us.

• Knife skills are important! — Oops, that was from the Culinary Institute of America.

Celestial Navigation

You can now get the voices of Star Wars on your Tom-Tom GPS. Darth Vader, Yoda, C-3PO, and Han Solo will guide you if you aren’t Jedi enough to use the Force.

“I am altering the route. Pray I do not alter it further.”

“Turned wrong you have. A u-ey hang you must.”

“Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating the New Jersey Turnpike is approximately 3720 to 1!. We’re doomed!”

“The light turned yellow — jump to light speed!”

— Hazen Pingree, Detroit Mayor 1889-1897, Michigan Governor 1897-1901

How Many Crooks in Congress?

Five percent according to a July, 2018 facial recognition experiment by the ACLU in which Amazon’s Rekognition software compared congressional mugshots with those of 2500 criminals. 28 of your 535 representatives and senators were matched, 3 senators and 25 representa-tives.

It was close to bipartisan with 13 Republicans and 15 Democrats with only one woman and, of course, 11 blacks and Hispanics, including civil rights icon Rep. John Lewis, twice their percentage in congress.

Five of the fake crooks sent letters to Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos demanding an explanation and a list of all government agencies using the fake face software.

Amazon says that the software was set to the default 80% confidence level rather than the 95% recommended for use by the cops but Amazon doesn’t push the higher level.

This is an uptick in congressional criminality since 1933 when Senate Sergeant-at-Arms David S. Barry said “Contrary, perhaps, to the popular belief,

there are not many crooks in Congress, that is, out and out grafters…” in a magazine article prematurely released a month before his scheduled retirement in March, which resulted in his retirement in February

So how many crooks do you think are in Congress?

Unanimous Consent

The article above was front and center on the first page of the Spring ‘19 newsletter and when I gave them to newsletter newbies who came in to the store, all of them immediately exclaimed “all of them” when they saw the title, including one man who actually ran for congress.

Maybe they’re on to something. I reported in the Anyone Got Raid on p. 193 that cockroaches beat Congress 45-43 in a favorability poll by Public Policy Polling. Congress then had a 9% favorability rating. In 2018 it sank to 6%.